Black women and their childrens names

Posted: August 6, 2014 in Shorts

After Judge Cabrera’s historic ruling, little Clitoria Jackson will likely undergo a name change.

(DETROIT) In a decision that’s expected to send shockwaves through the African-American community—and yet, give much relief to teachers everywhere—a federal judge ruled today that black women no longer have independent naming rights for their children. Too many black children—and many adults—bear names that border on not even being words, he said.

“I am simply tired of these ridiculous names black women are giving their children,” said U.S. Federal Judge Ryan Cabrera before rendering his decision. “Someone had to put a stop to it.”

The rule applies to all black women, but Cabrera singled out impoverished mothers.

“They are the worst perpetrators,” he said. “They put in apostrophes where none are needed. They think a ‘Q’ is a must. There was a time when Shaniqua and Tawanda were names you dreaded. Now, if you’re a black girl, you hope you get a name as sensible as one of those.”

Few stepped forward to defend black women—and black women themselves seemed relieved.

“It’s so hard to keep coming up with something unique,” said Uneeqqi Jenkins, 22, an African-American mother of seven who survives on public assistance. Her children are named Daryl, Q’Antity, Uhlleejsha, Cray-Ig, Fellisittee, Tay’Sh’awn and Day’Shawndra.

Beginning in one week, at least three white people must agree with the name before a black mother can name her child.

“Hopefully we can see a lot more black children with sensible names like Jake and Connor,” Cabrera said.

His ruling stemmed from a lawsuit brought by a 13-year-old girl whose mother created her name using Incan hieroglyphics.

“She said it would make me stand out,” said the girl, whose name can’t be reproduced by The Peoples News’ technology. “But it’s really just stupid.”

The National Association of Elementary School Teachers celebrated Cabrera’s decision.

“Oh my God, the first day of school you’d be standing there sweating, looking at the list of names wondering ‘How do I pronounce Q’J’Q’Sha.’?” said Joyce Harmon, NAEST spokeswoman. “Is this even English?”

The practice of giving black children outlandish names began in the 1960s, when blacks were getting in touch with their African roots, said historian Corlione Vest. But even he admits it got out of hand.

“I have a niece who’s six. I’m embarrassed to say I can’t even pronounce her name,” said Vest, a professor at Princeton University. “Whenever I want to talk to her, I just wait until she looks at me and then I wave her over.”

Cabrera’s ruling exempted black men because so few of them are actually involved in their children’s lives.

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. It’s not real, but we hope it made you think.

Yes folks this is just satire but let’s face some facts. There are some black women out there who are giving their children outrageous names and those names have nothing to do with our African roots. Clitoria and Tequante are not African names.

Comments
  1. sohnia says:

    I was in disbelief that a ruling could apply to “all black women” and presumably only “black women.” But then I read “Beginning in one week, at least three white people must agree with the name before a black mother can name her child.” At that point I became incensed.

    While I may agree, the naming convention amongst our people is quite interesting, I would stand against giving “white people” veto power over the names we choose for our children. Therefore, I was very relieved to read that this blog entry was merely satire.

    However, we should not forget that the power to name or label a people is recognized and used as a “basic tool to control and oppress in modern industrialized societies of democratic and totalitarian persuasions.” (The Carless Society, John McKnight)

    Are you a ‘freedom fighter’ or a ‘terrorist’? That would depend. In 1948 Israel Freedom Fighters were in Palestine fighting for the creation of a “Jewish state.” In 2014 Palestinians are in Palestine fighting for a “Palestinian state” but they are called “terrorist.”

    I thank you for making us think! May knowledge and wisdom guide us to our African roots.

    Sohnia

    Like

  2. Angela Grant says:

    You know I agree. The names get more ridiculous…almost as if energy expended to create such names may be spend more wisely ……however, in that world that is the fad.

    Like

  3. Angela Grant says:

    Reblogged this on Failure to Listen and commented:
    You know I agree. The names get more ridiculous…almost as if energy expended to create such names may be spend more wisely ……however, in that world that is the fad.

    Like

  4. cmicc says:

    I am relieved that this is satire.

    If a solution is called for, I believe the child, when they feel harmed, should have the option to select their own given name.

    Stepwise emancipation.

    Like

  5. On one level I understand that I should just shut up. On another level, I feel compelled by principle to tell you of the mocking contempt and creepy animation with which plenty of whites talk about this VERY topic. They are sneaky about it, and increasingly so.
    These conversations are like rituals, shared between group of white strangers thrown together who don’t expect to see one another again: bus stops, lines, waiting rooms.
    Anyway, I thought it possible that you might wish to reconsider providing them with more ammunition.

    On the other hand, I do realize that giving any thought at all to white reaction, my own included, is in itself an intrusive burden.

    So, for what its worth, I can just promise you that most white people who mock that genre of African-American names wouldn’t recognise the satire, even at its most obvious – because it so closely resembles exactly what they actually say. Of course it actually bears no resemblence at all.
    That’s the horrible truth of it: a judge’s impossibly gross violation of federal civil rights law and the surreal implications of white approval re.acceptable names would pass right over most of their heads – because the overarching sentiment just seems so …right.
    The slope extending from white name mocking to visceral ugly racism is invariably a short and slippery one.

    As for those many whites who would never articulate their feelings in such a manner, know who Cornell West is, and would immediately recognize this as satire, well – they are often lethel, while the former group wounds.

    I would not have pushed this point were I not persuaded that African-American people are facing essential
    destruction and that white people must committ ourselves as a defensive force – however flawed, however racist.

    You have a great blog. If my comment makes no legitimate contribution I really (really) hope you will delete
    it.

    Thanks for your work!

    Claire O’B

    Liked by 1 person

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